Sex Ed at 31- day 50

My dad and I were sitting on the back porch talking about everything. From discussing Stephen King and Dave Barry being in a band together, to how Hitler gained such immense power; we sat and had one of the best talks we've ever had.

We started to talk about pregnancy, which I guess lead to sex, I don't really remember exactly how we ended up there (ha) but going back and forth, I think we shared a lot of interesting thoughts on the subject.

We talked about how when it comes to sex, if we could go back, we would have done it all completely differently. 

We talked about how when you are a teenager and start having sex, you have no sense of how impactful sex will be on your life. You are so full of raging hormones and chemicals surging into your brain, no matter how many adults tell you, there is simply no way to get you to listen. 

We talked about how sex bonds some people, and how some people just don't get that attached. 

We talked about the emotional aftermath of a pregnancy scare, abortion, or miscarriage. 

We talked about how childhood/early adolescent sexual traumas can change the way you view sex and intimacy. 

This conversation about the impacts of sex lead me to reflect on how it is viewed by society at large. Our society downplays the significance of sex, for all of its goods and all of its ills. And I think that is because most of us have had sexual experiences that we regret, or wish didn't happen to us, and it makes us feel better to suppress it, and make sex out to be less than it really is. 

All of my greatest regret, shame, and pain come from decisions I've made about sex, or dangerous situations I put myself in that lead to sexual assault. Most of my adult life has been focused on downplaying my experiences, or out right denying that they happened. 

I have found freedom in laying it all down at Christ's feet. It is too great of a burden for me to carry. I know that my debt has already been paid in full. All I need is His grace, mercy, and love. Whenever I have a bad memory, and I feel my gut drop and eyes lose focus, the only way I can come back to this realm is call on Jesus' name and trust in His strength. 

If I could go back, I would do it completely differently.