Peyton Kathleen

 When I was going through my divorce, I decided to attend Divorce Care at Watermark church in Dallas. It seemed like a really great program, and before the shit went down, I actually got some good things out of it. It was every Tuesday night, and at the beginning of the meetings, everyone- men and women- gathered in a large room to preview a short video about the week's topic. The leaders of the Divorce Care ministry were a husband and wife who had both been previously married. They shared their testimony, how they had now been married 25+ years, and were a beautiful blended family. They were supposed to be our guides and inspiration, I guess. After the video we would go into small groups, where men met with men, and women met with women. Overall, I think the curriculum for the Divorce Care ministry was really great. I enjoyed the reading material and the devotionals I was provided. However, I felt a lot of judgement in the actual small group setting. I was 27 at the time, and was ...

 During and after my divorce I did a lot of reading on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and every sentence hit like a gut punch. As I went down the rabbit hole, I could see my ex in every definition, scenario, and example. Just like any disorder, there is a wide range of severity with NPD. I believe my ex is on the severe end. How the narcissist treated me as a partner: Saw me as trophy he won and wanted to show off Was OBSESSED with my appearance I had to be bleach blonde Had to have french manicure nails Wanted me to "dress like a slut" in front of his friends Nagged me about getting a boob job- pestered me constantly about when I would finally do it Only bought me clothes he felt were slutty enough Called me lazy and undisciplined if I didn't work out every day Was disgusted by me when I gained 5 pounds Constantly food-shamed me Made comments about how "plain" and "average" his friend's wives were, how he would never settle for women like they...

 The first Thanksgiving we shared together as a married couple, we went to College Station to watch A&M play LSU. My parents are big Aggies and always do a tailgate, and his family had a suite we could sit and watch the game in. I had become very close with a gorgeous, female coworker whose family was in California, so we invited her to come to College Station with us for the holiday fun. It was only going to a day long trip, since CS is only about a 90 minute drive from Houston.  At this time, we had a German Shepherd puppy, so we hired a lady to come to the house and let the dog out while we were gone.  The day started off really fun. We took my coworker friend to the iconic A&M bars, had a few drinks around Northgate, then headed over to my parents tailgate. I knew my husband planned on getting hammered, as usual, so I would be the one driving us home after the game. I had a few beers throughout the afternoon, never getting tipsy, and of course, did not drink d...

I always wanted to be a writer. I started a writing a bit with this blog in 2004, but wasn't disciplined or consistent with the practice. Recently, I have wanted to start writing again, but I felt it was "too soon". The stories I have don't have lessons learned. I still don't feel the cosmic understanding of why things happened to me the way they did. I do not have any words of wisdom to impart, no advice worth giving. Then I thought: is there room in the writing space for my stories that were just... shitty experiences? Or does the story need to end with my enlightenment that I then pass on to the reader? Is there a place for my voice, cynical but happy but broken but funny?   Am I allowed to write my stories, express the outcome, and then in a few years look back and realize I was way off, completely wrong, and life wasn't done yanking me around yet? We will find out. Because my writing has once more begun. 

Wednesday November 6th- 166 Wednesday April 1st- 147.8 Wednesday April 15th- 147 Its annoying how the closer you are to your goal, the harder it is to get there! I changed my weight loss plan from -1 pound a week to -2 pounds a month. Would love to be 146 by the end of April!

Wednesday November 6th- 166 Wednesday March 25th- 149.5 Wednesday April 1st- 147.8 After not seeing the scale BUDGE, I did something I swore I would never do again... I cut out bread. Andrew has been telling me for months that cutting out processed carbs would make this weight drop off faster. I hate to believe we live in a world where you can't lose weight and eat bread. I also hate to live in a world where I have to admit to Andrew that he was right. But alas, here we are. Posted this on the pantry- I'm a visual learner!  Away- down a few pounds AND I ran 4 consecutive miles on Tuesday! I don't think I have done that since high school..or maybe ever. So much is out of my control right now with this pandemic. Going from working full time and commuting to being a work-from-home/full-time mom has been an interesting transition, especially under these unusual circumstances. I cannot control what lead us here, but I am taking advantage of this time to focus on...

Wednesday November 6th- 166 lbs Wednesday March 25th- 149.5 lbs Okay so in 20 weeks I've lost almost 17 pounds! It was less than my goal, but I am very happy with how things have gone. Of course life throws unexpected challenges in front of us, especially as a new mom who works full time, and I truly think I made things work as best as I could. I wanted to be mid 140's by now, but I am *barely* even in the 140's currently! Oh well, just gotta keep moving forward. Original Goals: Lose between 1 and 1.5 pounds a week. I would like to be 145 by mid to late March Workout 3-4 times a week Continue breastfeeding/pumping until July Be a healthy momma for my little boy! Goals moving forward: Lose 2 pounds a month Weight 140 by Henry's 1st birthday!  Workout 4-5 times a week Continue breastfeeding until Henry's 1st birthday Be a healthy momma for my little boy!

November 27th- 160.8 December 4th- 159.8 December 11th- 158.8 December 18th- 157.3 *black hole of illness and injury* February 4th- 152.4 Ideally I would be 150.8 right now, but I'm pretty happy with losing 8.4 lbs the last few weeks, all things considered. I think I can make up for the 1.6 pounds that I am behind on this month! 2020 got off to a ROUGH start in our little family.