Peyton Kathleen

Told from split perspective- dramatic effect- one who knows, one who it is being revealed to  Female protagonist- sinister through manipulation- fake abuse- like gone girl/behind her eyes 

My dad and I were sitting on the back porch talking about everything. From discussing Stephen King and Dave Barry being in a band together, to how Hitler gained such immense power; we sat and had one of the best talks we've ever had. We started to talk about pregnancy, which I guess lead to sex, I don't really remember exactly how we ended up there (ha) but going back and forth, I think we shared a lot of interesting thoughts on the subject. We talked about how when it comes to sex, if we could go back, we would have done it all completely differently.  We talked about how when you are a teenager and start having sex, you have no sense of how impactful sex will be on your life. You are so full of raging hormones and chemicals surging into your brain, no matter how many adults tell you, there is simply no way to get you to listen.  We talked about how sex bonds some people, and how some people just don't get that attached.  We talked about the emotional aftermath of a preg...

Year 8 in the books. I can’t believe this year is over. It has been the happiest year of my life. I will miss each one of my students dearly, it was hard saying goodbye today. 

  In January I made a little New Year Inspiration board: I printed it out, wrote specifics under each picture, and hung it next to my desk to look at everyday. Five months into 2021 and I feel moderately accomplished, but also a bit empty. The biggest disappointment is not being pregnant. I thought going into the summer I would definitely have a baby on board. There is nothing I can do about that, it is in God's hands, so I'm leaving my worries in His hands too. I have done the OPPOSITE of get in shape lol. However, I have an injury and I fully accept and love my body for where it is. I'm excited to recover and heal over the summer. Things I am happy about are my increased reading and writing efforts. Daily writing challenge hasn't been perfect, or purposeful for that matter, but it feels organic and headed somewhere. Reading is beautiful and life giving and I love it dearly.  We have gone to the beach and are going to the mountains soon :)  Our savings has been unreal....

I don't spend much (or any) time arguing with people about abortion or trying to make them understand the Pro-Life movement. I know that deep down, everyone knows it is wrong to end a child's life. It makes me sad that the patriarchy has convinced so many women that men can use our bodies for sex, then convince us to kill our children, all in the name of "feminism". Honestly it is the most conniving, evil twist of male domination the world has ever seen. And they have done an incredible job at it.  I hope a legacy I can leave behind is one of encouragement to women who become pregnant in less than ideal circumstances, like I did, and find the strength to love themselves and their baby enough to carry on with life. Where there is room in the heart, there is room in the home. God makes no mistakes, especially when it comes to His beloved children.  Some things I do to forward the movement, and show women and babies love is to: Share my story Donate monthly to Catholic C...

 Clothes: Andrew and I have three weddings to go to this summer (I'M SO EXCITED!!) and I found some really cute dresses for showers, rehearsal dinners, and weddings. Everything I have purchased was under $100 and really lovely quality; I am super happy with everything. I dress pretty conservatively, but just like anyone, I want dresses that flatter my figure, and I think these three do exactly that.  Wedding Guest Attire (Black Tie)  nice, heavy material, great mid-section structure, $108! I do have to get it hemmed because I am only 5'3 and have to get pretty much everything hemmed lol Rehearsal Dinner Attire  very flattering, well made, only $48! Bridal/Baby Shower Attire  this dress is just darling, and only $46! I wore this dress to my last day of school and so many teachers asked me to send them the link to it! Hair: So in love with the Olaplex Hair Oil, I ended up getting both the shampoo and conditioner and I love them with all my heart. Olaplex Shampoo a...

Isn't it funny sometimes how you can see a small phrase and it just hits you? Like, nothing even wildly profound or intellectual, but somehow everything you needed to hear? I read a quote, "You deserve someone in your life who thinks you're a big deal." And that hit me in such a real way. I think my past relationships have made my interests feel so trivial, or my accomplishments seem so small, that I never thought much about me was special. Until I was loved so profoundly by Andrew. How Andrew thinks I am a BIG DEAL. He is always bragging on me to people about the smallest things I do... "You should see how many books Peyton reads, its incredible." "Most people don't know this, but she knows a ton about politics and follows it closely." "Peyton makes everyone around her feel like her best friend." "Everyday, when she comes home, it's the best part of my day." He just thinks everything about me is big, and important, and ...

I think it makes people uncomfortable when you tell them you are happy with your life. I certainly makes capitalism and consumerism uncomfortable when you feel that way.  I used to fall prey to the #GiRlBoSs energy. Platitudes like, "If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough!" used to me my mantras. Work harder, do more, get thinner, make more money, buy a newer car, get in better shape, have more designer clothes, get promoted, have a side hustle, win the competition, run a half marathon, then a full marathon, invest more, purchases a bigger house, go on more extravagant trips, get more likes, more followers, sell more, buy more, MORE, MORE, MORE!  I went to Ireland three weeks after my husband left me. I was in a church, in a tiny town, sitting in a pew with my dad and sister. A small choir, made up of a grandmother, mom, and daughter snag throughout the mass, and little girls and boys dressed up in white proceeded to the front for their First Communion...

Jesus Lord Almighty my writing has been garbage this week! Not a single thought has crossed my brain lol Critical thinking is at an all time low. Something I love doing every once in a while is making "This or That" polls on my Instagram. People really love it and I have fun making them. Instagram is so self focused, I think it is a breath of fresh air to stumble on to someone's story that is asking YOU questions and turning the focus on what make YOU happy!  A few of my Qs: Anyway. That is something I think is cute. 

  What's something on your bucket list?                Have more children! Biological or adopted! What's your favorite animal?                Whales If you had your own talk show, who would your first guest be?               Jessica Simpson What's one place you have no interest in traveling to?               Hmmm.. probably places that no one travels to anyway because of war and political issues  What's your most irrational fear?               Seeing my ex somewhere  What's one thing you're really bad at?               Consistency  What's your biggest pet peeve?               Political posts on Instagram and Facebook What's one thing you'll never do again?       ...

Trying to remove consuming for the sake of consuming

My last day of school is May 28th, and of course it is bittersweet. I have had such a wonderful year with these students and will truly, deeply miss them. However, I am looking forward to this summer! Andrew and I decided to keep Henry in school this summer, but on their shorten schedule. He loves his school so much, I am off for less than two months, so we decided it was best to keep him on his schedule, but with room for flexibility. We are taking two trips this summer, which feels absolutely crazy considering the world stood still for a year. We'll be going to Breckenridge, Colorado in July and Jackson Hole, Wyoming ins August. We also have three weddings! I am honestly just kind of shocked how busy we are and how many people we will be seeing. What a difference a year can make. As for myself and what I will be doing all day with Henry in school, I have a couple of things I would like to accomplish. I want to dedicate a lot of time to my writing. I feel a little bit of pressure ...

 “I just can’t believe he could do something so horrible to me and get away with it...where is the cosmic justice? Shouldn’t there be some kind of suffering and punishment?” “He lost you. I can’t think of a worse punishment.”

I started my period yesterday and I have to say, I've very sad. I really, really thought this was our month. We were both really disappointed yesterday, we just sat in silence for a few minutes hugging. In the grand scheme of things, we have not being "trying" for very long (four months), but man oh man, when you want a baby, it feels long! After letting myself be sad, I woke up with a refreshed attitude. I remember that control isn't real, and God's got this. I thought of  a few reasons why now might not be the time, like the back injury I'm wanting to get some answers on, enjoying some solo adult-time with Andrew, and enjoying Henry as a single child for a little while longer.  One of the biggest mistakes I made in my early-mid twenties was rushing through life to get to "big milestone" moments. Rush through dating to get engaged, rush through planning to get married, rush through the week to get to the weekend, rush through this time of calm to ge...

 May 2020-May 2021 Educated- Tara Westover The Silent Patient- Alex Michaelides How to Love like an Adult- (didn't finish) Daring Greatly- Brene Brown (didn't finish)  The Indifferent Stars Above (didn't finish) Then She Was Gone- Lisa Jewell Ghost Boys- Jewell Parker Rhodes The Searcher- Tana French Where the Crawdads Sing- Delia Owens New Kids- Jerry Craft Dear Martin- Nic Stone Dear Justyce- Nic STone In and Instant- Suzanne Redfearn One of Us is Lying- Karen McManus The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes- Suzanne Collins Stamped- Jason Reynolds and Ibram X Kendi Carrie- Stephen King Open Book- Jessica Simpson On Writing: A memoir of the craft- Stephen King Quit Like a Woman- Holly Whitaker The Vanishing Half- Brit Bennett  The Fellowship of the Ring- J.R.R. Tolkien  The Two Towers- J.R.R. Tolkien Ready Player One- Ernest Cline Verity- Colleen Hoover American Dirt- didn't finish Candance Owens- didn't finish The Guest List- Lucy Foley I am Number Four: The Lost Files...

Character 1- female, mid 20s, grew up middle class, ego driven, materialistic, micro-influencer, desperate to get to the top POV: newly hired social media manager, naïve in most regards, tech savvy Depraved actions taken to get content she needs: Starts off gross, but not morally depraved-  sleeping with wealth men to get gifts, trips, etc drug use petty theft conning businesses into giving her things idea #1  Evil influencer realizes that followers don't just come for the content- they come for the stories. They stick around because they are intereseted in YOU and your personal life.  A fellow influencer posts a heartbreaking picture with a caption- a horrible accident has killed her child. evil influencers notices that normal influncer has doubled her following after the post was uploaded, the post itself garnered 4times the amount of likes the influencer normally got. this gets evil influencer thinking- how can i create a sob story so incredible, that no one can look a...

 Not literally (sorry East Coast) but figuratively, no gas left in my tank. This morning when my alarm went off, all I could think was, "no."  The last month has been a drain for so many reasons; from personal health issues, to family matters, to the political atmosphere, it all just seems like a lot. Then I take it back even farther- to what we were going through as a family and as country a year ago. Last May I was online teaching, watching Henry full time, constantly monitoring COVID numbers,  Andrew working overtime, getting ready for my fourth move in four years... it was exhausting and scary. So I suppose it is no wonder that today I am feeling bleh. Creativity is waning, patience is fading. 

 "if i cant move heaven, then i shall raise hell" - the guest list 

Articles Relatable to My Experience: Can Excessive Workouts Give Your Marriage a Beating? How Exercise Addiction Impacts Relationships  His CrossFit Obsession Is Killing Our Marriage

Most common advice:         Get an MRI and X-ray before doing anything          Get serious about stretching daily  Doctors: Dale Smith; Dallas, TX Dr. Wander; Keller, TX Dr. Dennis James; Keller, TX Bryson Clark; North Richland Hills, TX Dr. Daniel Dodge; Coppell, TX North Texas Orthopedics and Spine Center MaxHealth Family, Internal & Sports Medicine; Colleyville, TX Alternative Healing Airrosti Yoga RX Instagram Accounts for Information/Stretches:  MoveU dr_laurenslife App for Stretches ROMWOD

It’s my 3rd Mother’s Day!  (Yes, I count when Henry was in the womb, because I’m a pro-life queen who understands that a pregnant mother, is a mother, not a “mom to be”.) I’ve been so spoiled by Andrew every single May (everyday for that matter) and today was no exception! I can’t believe how lucky I am. But also, I’m really, really hoping I’m pregnant!! I’ll know in a couple weeks, but it’s so hard to get your hopes up after 5 months of trying. They say it takes most couples 6 months, which makes Henry’s conception even more of shocker (lol), and I know by most people’s standards I’m being impatient. Gods got His perfect timing, I just have to lay it down at his feet.

All my life, I’ve been defined by numbers. Pounds, inches, bra size, IQ, percentile, GPA, salary, macros, micros, higher, lower, break even... Honestly, fuck numbers. I’m Peyton The Innumerable.

I've heard the term "widow" used in multiple ways from women who try to laugh off their husband's shitty behavior. Things like: "I'm a single parent Monday through Friday... what can I say, I'm a Salesman's Widow!" "My husband is gone every weekend, life of a Golfer's Widow." "I'm on my own all through the fall, it is such a tough time being a Coach's Widow." And I have a new one for y'all- I was a Workout Widow. Or a Meathead's Widow? Gym Rat's Widow? Take your pick.  My ex-husband was (still is) obsessed with working out. I will never forget the conversations we had about his workout addiction, some of which I believe resulted in him leaving me.  When I first moved to Houston to be with my ex, he was working a job where he traveled Sunday-Thursday. So I spent most of my evenings with my roommate, or working out at a gym near my school. I was always so envious of the husband and wife duos that would me...

May has been an icky time for me the past few years. In May of 2017, my husband left me. Like, abandoned me. Walked in from work, two weeks after my brother had just moved in with us for the summer, two weeks before our one year wedding anniversary, and told me he was filing for divorce in the morning,.. and May has been hard ever since.  May of 2018 was hard May of 2019 was hard May of 2020 was hard  and this May is hard. You may think I'm weak for still being sad, but I think it makes me strong. I think the ability to feel and love and mourn and care are qualities that only reside in the best of us. I think people who move on from things quickly don't know how to really love. I mean REALLY love. When you treat people like disposable waste, you don't mourn throwing them away.  This May, as I sit here in my classroom writing this, I'm the happiest I have ever been. And I am no fool, I know hardship is right around the corner, it always is. But I have a husband, a son, a...

 I had such a nice day at work today, a really nice lunch, a nice laugh with my students, a nice afternoon with Henry, and evening with Andrew. Today was so pleasant and lovely and wholesome, and I’m happy.

My People: My students. Oh man, all the heart eyes and love emojis and kisses and hugs. I can't believe I have to let go of them in 4 weeks.  My coworkers. I always miss my girls over the summer.   Health and Wellness  I'm REALLY loving Orange Theory  workouts! I love the environment, no phones are allowed inside so no one is taking THOTTY pics of themselves with you in the background, no over the top competitiveness, very adaptable for beginner, intermediate, advanced...just love it.  Clothing  I got this top from LOFT and received a lot of compliments on it!  I have been loving the smocked gingham dresses I have been seeing. I haven't pulled the trigger and bought on yet, I need to slow down on spending, but I have my eye on a few, like this one from JessaKae (never bought from there before) and this one from Red Dress Boutique . Restaurant: Andrew and I rarely go on dates. We are the definition of homebodies, and Andrew is a ridiculously good ...

False eyelashes are getting OUT OF CONTROL. I cannot stand when they are so unnaturally thick and then some start falling out and girls look like wonky eyed pirates.  I starting to wonder if Gen Z is pranking us with the whole baggy jeans thing... it doesn't look good on anyone CrAzY nails with multiple colors and patterns and  rhinestones  that are SUPER long- the amount of filth underneath them I can't even imagine Bucket hats

 Oh no, I missed writing yesterday!  Goals are guides. She moves forward... _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  One of the greatest blessings of my life is being from a big family. Let me rephrase- One of the greatest blessings of my life is being from a big family that absolutely loves each other. I have two friends in this world, and one of them is my sister. I can't go more than five days without seeing at least one of my brothers. I'm in a book club where 70% of the members are my immediate family lol. You get it.  I cannot imagine life without them, their spouses, their children, their in-laws...it is absolutely incredible how love and family compound and grow and transform in to a network of people who care about you, and ask your mom how you are, and pray for you, and invite you into their hearts and lives... it's just beautiful. Unfortunately, there is always a yin to the yang, and suc...