Peyton Kathleen

I'm in a transitional period in life and it is uncomfortable. My entire existence I have had goals with timelines, dreams I could work to achieve, and a life-plan that was conventional and certain. I graduated high school, went to Texas A&M. I studied to be a teacher. I graduated, got a teaching job. I fell in love, got married. While married, I laid more goals with timelines (have children), dreams I could work to achieve (perfect my educational craft), and continued to pursue the conventional and certain. But then my husband left me. My goals, dreams, and desires left me as well. I was not longer "Peyton". I was Sadness. I was Despair. I was Grief. There was no future to look forward to. No life I wanted any part of. Things that used to interest me seemed pointless. I couldn't bare seeing friends. I would wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Everything felt painful and dark. I am no longer living in those dark days. However, I am still ...

I know his name. I know his face. I know his scent. I know his quirks. Yet I still do not know who he is. However, I can tell you who he was. He was my best friend. My love. My confidant. He was the man who quashed all my fears and insecurities when he put his arms around me.  He was a dedicated employee who rarely complained about work. He was devoted to his friends.   He was the man who ensured me I would be a good mother. He was loyal, smart, and funny as hell. He loved HBO, German Shepherds, and time at the gym. He was obsessed with his Sonicare toothbrush and protein powders. He took pride in his appearance, his wardrobe, his physique. He would shy away when I would comment on how handsome he was. He was the man who sent me flowers on Valentine's Day and promised me I would never have a February 14th without them. He was my everything. He was all of these things, and yet he was the man who left his new bride two weeks before their one year wedding anniversary. He was th...