Peyton Kathleen

  Lie #1:  You're uglier and fatter than when he first met you, so you deserved it.  During my divorce, I thought this lie every.single.day. Now to be fair, a big part of why my husband left me was because I was, in fact, uglier and fatter than when he met me. Meaning I had turned 27, gained five pounds, and added low lights to my previously platinum blond hair. And he was disgusted by me.  Maybe you're like me. Maybe you look in the mirror and see more wrinkles, more cellulite, more fat, gray hairs, and sagging boobs. Maybe you look at yourself and think, "Of course he left, who could love this?" And it is the most painful, hurtful lie you can tell yourself.  Despite what he tells you, you aren't lazy, you aren't worthless, you didn't choose this.  Imagine with me: You wake up at 5:30 to shower and get ready for work. Your kids are up by 6:00, needing diaper changes, faces washed and teeth brushed. Everyone's backpacks need checking, breakfast needs m...

Lie #1:  You're uglier and fatter than when he first met you, so you deserved it.  During my divorce, I thought this lie every.single.day. Now to be fair, a big part of why my husband left me was because I was, in fact, uglier and fatter than when he met me. Meaning I had turned 27, gained five pounds, and added low lights to my previously platinum blond hair. And he was disgusted by me. 

Phone strategically placed to cover my huge pimple lol Baby is the size of a: LIME! (1.6-2 inches long) Baby's Development:  Baby is getting longer and straighter, but his head still accounts for half his body length. Fingers and toes are starting to separate and are no longer webbed, and his ears are moving to the proper location on his head.  Baby's brain is developing left and right hemispheres, while nerves and muscles are starting to work together to help Baby's movements and coordination. Due Date:  Mid-February (11th-15th) Momma Symptoms:  I feel so good this week! Like a totally normal, non-pregnant person. I had Professional Development this week and was honestly too busy to stop and ask myself how I was feeling. It was a nice distraction. Health and Exercise:  Zero. None. Not one bit of exercise. And have been a ravenous food monster. The health game was a losing one this week lol Weight Gain:  +2 lbs (starting weight- 146.5, current- 148.5) Emoti...

I was at a party a few days ago, having a conversation with someone I have known casually for a couple years. We spoke about work, vacations, and kids, all very standard small talk, but then, because she knew about my experience with divorce, she opened up to me. "My husband came home in May and told me he was leaving me. Totally out of the blue. After fifteen years and two children.. he said he didn't love me and was leaving." My jaw dropped. It never gets easier to hear someone tell that tale.  I sat and listened for over an hour. Everything she said, I had felt. Everything her ex had done, I had heard. I felt so honored to sit there and hear her heart and be able to understand her.  As I was listening, I made her a promise, "No matter what, I won't say one positive word to you about this. It is horrible and wrong and shitty and I won't tell you otherwise." She looked me right in the eye and said. "FINALLY! I am so sick of people telling me it wil...

  Baby is the size of : a GREEN OLIVE! (1 inch) Baby's Development:  Baby is working so hard and growing strong! All four chambers of the heart are developed and we will soon be able to hear it on a Doppler. The placenta is developing, which causes major hormonal surges in momma, making symptoms at an all time high this week. Baby's little muscles are forming, head is straightening into position, and tail has disappeared! Looking cuter and cuter by the day.  Due Date: I finally had my first OB/GYN appointment this week! Baby was measuring 8 weeks 1 day, when I thought I was 8 weeks 4 days. My doctor said it is hard to know the exact day in which the sperm met the egg, which is why my prediction was a couple days off! However, she said she was still basing my due date off of the first day of my last period- so February 18th. I am a c-section momma, so we will be scheduling surgery for either February 11th or 15th.   Momma Symptoms:  As my technician was doing my ...

Female POV and motivation: Enjoys being the victim Some kind of complex- Munchausen by proxy by different  Being the victim- self pity and yet self righteousness, no accountability Controls the victimhood  Perversion of hero syndrome  Powerful yet powerless?

Man, I was a drunk our entire relationship. And a mean one at that. You should've seen the bruises she's wake up with mornings after a bender. We fought like crazy the moment that third drink touched each of our lips. She was the jealous type, who would always bring shit up the moment she felt liquid courage coarse through her bloodstream. She'd shove, she's slap, she'd shoot another shot, and sling the most vicious, vile words at me she could think of. As far as I could remember, I'd take it. Or apologize or try to calm her down... but I always black out when I drink. Always.  So the next morning when I would see finger mark bruises around her neck, a cut on her forehead, painful inhales from broken ribs, I knew what I had done.  When she was finally committed, I went to my first AA meeting. I found value in it, enjoyed the companionship especially since I was alone now. I continued to go because I liked it, but if I'm honest, I don't feel like I needed...

  Normal tummy  Relaxed Tummy Baby is the size of : a RASPBERRY! (.6 inches) Baby's Development: Baby's arms and legs are developing, they resemble little paddles, how cute! Baby has all the organs of a grown adult, but on a much tinier scale. Baby is developing testes or ovaries this week! It is crazy to think we can know the sex of our baby in just a few weeks! Gender Prediction:  According to most old wives tales, I'm having a boy, which I FULLY believe to be true. Craving salt over sugar, clear skin, mild nausea, and the Chinese Gender Calendar says boy! Obviously, these are all just fun and silly guessing games to play in anticipation of what our baby will be.  Momma Symptoms:  I've said it once, and I'll say it again, fatigue. I just cannot get used to how tired I am feeling. My last pregnancy, I was a bit anemic, so I had to supplement my iron. Anemia makes you feel extreme exhaustion, so I am wondering if I am having that issue again this time around. I ...

When my child gets sick, everything comes to a screeching halt. Days are filled with tears, fevers, and aches. Doctor visits, prescription pick ups, and forcing meds. It's filled with holding, rocking, and comforting. Sanitizing, washing, and bathing. At the end of the day, I feel like I've done everything, yet nothing. All I did was pick up and clean, yet somehow the house is a wreck. I only moved from the bed to the couch, to the rocking chair, yet I feel exhausted.  Henry got a fever on Wednesday, and it didn't let up until Saturday. It was the most exhausting three and a half days I have ever had. The hours felt eternal. Henry could hardly be consoled, every medicine dose was a fight, I couldn't set him down, even go to the bathroom, without him sobbing. He would wake up through out the nights needing snuggles and water. It was awful seeing him in such agony, knowing all I could do was force meds on him, keep him hydrated, and rested.  I have a theory that he caught...

I love an old school calendar style planner. Opening it to a fresh new month is such a lovely feeling. Each month, I make goal for myself on the month view page of my planner. I rarely accomplish all of them (or any of them lol) but I enjoy the exercise of sitting down, and thinking about my priorities. What is on my heart? Where is my head at?  Goals are just guides. There is no failure. No one can foresee sickness, injury, car problems, stressful work, or family issues that may come up and get in the way of goals. And that's okay! Life doesn't live on my terms.  July Goals: Work out 6x a week - I still can't believe I worked out every day of June. I'm really proud of myself. Obviously that is not sustainable long term, so I am going down to six times a week. Go to mass 3x - at least once a month something gets in the way of church. I hate to admit it, I want to be better about it, but this is where I'm at.  Read 1 book - I can't believe my goal is to read ONE ...

  Normal Tummy.. Relaxed tummy Posing like Instagram gym girls makes a world of difference lol Baby is the size of : a BLUEBERRY! (.51 inches) Baby's Development:  Baby's brain is growing like crazy, generating about 100 brain cells a minute! The umbilical cord has formed, heart is beating, and vital organs are developing. Baby's eyes, ears, and nostrils are all becoming more and more defined. The miracle of life never ceases to amaze me.  Due Date:  February 17th (ish) Momma Symptoms:  I definitely felt pregnant the last few days. My most noticeable symptom- HUNGER. I am starving. Like, teenage boy after football practice hungry. I want everything salty and bready, sandwiches, burgers, even Ramen noodles! I've been good about fighting it and eating healthy, but I forgot how intense pregnant hunger was! A lot of my friends say they are the opposite during the first trimester, so nauseas and sick they can't stand the sight or smell of food. I'm thankful that I...