Lie #1 cont- day 89

 

Lie #1:  You're uglier and fatter than when he first met you, so you deserved it. 

During my divorce, I thought this lie every.single.day. Now to be fair, a big part of why my husband left me was because I was, in fact, uglier and fatter than when he met me. Meaning I had turned 27, gained five pounds, and added low lights to my previously platinum blond hair. And he was disgusted by me. 

Maybe you're like me. Maybe you look in the mirror and see more wrinkles, more cellulite, more fat, gray hairs, and sagging boobs. Maybe you look at yourself and think, "Of course he left, who could love this?" And it is the most painful, hurtful lie you can tell yourself. 

Despite what he tells you, you aren't lazy, you aren't worthless, you didn't choose this. 

Imagine with me: You wake up at 5:30 to shower and get ready for work. Your kids are up by 6:00, needing diaper changes, faces washed and teeth brushed. Everyone's backpacks need checking, breakfast needs making, lunches need packing. You get everyone piled in the car, dropped off, and head to work. Your day is filled with emails, meetings, and calls. After eight and a half hours you trudge to the car, blast the A/C and head to pick up. At home dinner needs making, laundry needs running, homework needs doing. (and this is on a day when no one has soccer, ballet, or karate). Everyone needs bathed, read to, loved on, put to bed. Dished and leftovers are waiting to be put up downstairs. Clean the house, check abgs for tomorrow, shower yourself. Finally lay down in your robe to decompress, and kiddo number one is out of bed and at your door. 

This 24 hour cycle continues for 10-15 years and one day your husband comes home and has the audacity to tell you that you've "let yourself go"? When all you have done, day in and day out is keep everyone else together. 

What was missing in the above scenario? Lack of time? Lack of support? Maybe even lack of information, like specific dietary needs or thyroid issue.

For me, the lack of information was undiagnosed mental illness, specially cyclothymia, a type of bipolar disorder. I was so sad and paralyzed and didn't know why, and all my ex did was isolate me more and more. 

Reasons you gained weight that have nothing to do with being a lazy piece of shit:

• Being overworked
• Lack of support
• Depression/Anxiety
• Pregnancy and childbirth
• Chronic pain
• Chronic illness
• Injury