A few of my experiences with a narcissist

 During and after my divorce I did a lot of reading on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and every sentence hit like a gut punch. As I went down the rabbit hole, I could see my ex in every definition, scenario, and example. Just like any disorder, there is a wide range of severity with NPD. I believe my ex is on the severe end.

How the narcissist treated me as a partner:

Saw me as trophy he won and wanted to show off

• Was OBSESSED with my appearance
• I had to be bleach blonde
• Had to have french manicure nails
• Wanted me to "dress like a slut" in front of his friends
• Nagged me about getting a boob job- pestered me constantly about when I would finally do it
• Only bought me clothes he felt were slutty enough
• Called me lazy and undisciplined if I didn't work out every day
• Was disgusted by me when I gained 5 pounds
• Constantly food-shamed me
• Made comments about how "plain" and "average" his friend's wives were, how he would never settle for women like they did.

*I am very aware that most husbands have a way that they prefer their wives to look. However, his obsession with my appearance was coupled with shaming, withholding of affection, and humiliation when I didn't meet his beauty standard. 

Grandiose sense of self-importance/Entitled

He believed he was the smartest man in every room- despite having graduated from A&M with *barely* a 3.0 GPA. Not to mention his parents spent thousands of dollars for him to get private tutoring to take the GMAT, of which he performed miserably on several times. So despite the evidence laid before him, he never let up on his superior intelligence saying things like:

"If its not Ivy League, it's not worth my time."

"I'm too smart to believe in God." 

"I've got what it takes to make multi-millions."

Additionally, he believed that he was a genius businessman, even though in his career he was never promoted, awarded, or even recognized for his work. He believed he was something special, even though there was nothing to back up his beliefs. He was so bad at managing his own money, his parents would have to Venmo him to cover his credit card debt. Eventually, he quit working his normal job and his dad handed him the keys to his business. See the thing is, my ex had a smart and business savvy father. His father was special, not him. 

He also believed he was an incredible athlete. Again, not only did he have no evidence to support this, but evidence to the contrary. We were members of a Crossfit gym in Houston and he decided to enter into the little like, Crossfit competition they were holding. He trained for it and was tracking his times and comparing himself to the other guys stats and what not. On the day of the competition I went with him...yall he couldn't even complete the first round. He was TERRIBLE! I remember feeling such second hand embarrassment for him. And there is nothing wrong with giving something a shot- but the denial that followed was wild. He still believed he was the fittest man in the gym...?!?!?!? It was mind boggling. 

Then he decided he was going to do triathlons lol and so he about a $1,200 bike...literally rode it once. There is nothing wrong with trying new things or putting yourself out there and failing. That's not the point of this- the point is his delusion. He truly believed that he was of super human strength and ability despite it being plain to see that he wasn't.    

Inability to grieve 

When we were dating, I went to my ex's grandfather's funeral with him. The whole day my ex bitched and moaned about what an inconvenience this was for him. At the burial site, his uncle gave such a moving speech about his father, it brought me to tears, despite not knowing the man in the casket. I looked over at my ex; not a tear, not a look of sorrow, nothing. I understand that everyone grieves differently, but I could just tell that something was not "clicking" for him. He didn't see this as a memorial for his grandfather, but as an obstacle to him having the kind of weekend he wanted. 

The weird thing about him was he couldn't grieve for other people, but would cry or have sympathy for dogs. I would always be so shocked at his compassion for dogs, and his blatant disdain for other people. I have no idea if this is any type of connection to narcissism, but throughout history, there have been many horrific men who obsessively loved dogs but treated actual humans like garbage (e.g. Hitler).