Lie #4- Part II Lies about grief- It Will Always Hurt This Badly

 Part II Lies About Grief

Lie #4- It Will Always Hurt This Badly

I hate what most people have to say when it comes to grief, healing, and "moving on" after a divorce. People would give me disgusting advice like, "Start dating? The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else!" Or would hit me with some dismissive cliché like, "God's got a plan!" and "Time heals all wounds!" It felt as though everything that was suppose to make me feel better, made me feel worse. One woman even said to me, "Thank God you didn't have kids with him!" Ummm FUCK YOU LADY! I married him and loved him and WANTED TO HAVE KIDS WITH HIM! But then he left me!!! So now I'm all alone, with people like you making hurtful assumptions about how I feel!

...as you can tell, some of the bullshit people said to me still pisses me off.

When I was in the thick of my divorce, I remember thinking, "This will always hurt like this. I will never, ever forget this pain."

And I know right now, you won't believe me, but, that was a lie. I do not hurt like that any more. I have forgotten a lot of the pain. And, I can't believe I am saying this, but I have forgiven a lot more than I ever thought I could. 

A lot of people probably want to credit my wonderful husband and beautiful children for this cosmic shift in my life. And trust me, I owe so much to them. But what I think really changed everything, was something different. 

My life had burned to the ground. And instead of trying to fix everything and move on, I sat there in it. I became one with the ruin. I allowed myself to break and burn and be destroyed. Pain demands to be felt, and boy, did I feel it. I became so familiar with sadness, that I knew her, inside and out. Anger and rage

  

It seems that the person in the couple who "moves on" with their life first, wins. After my ex left me, he immediately began traveling, renting a massive bachelor pad, dating anyone and everyone, going out every night, really "living it up." I was the loser, because I couldn't do any of that. I had to completely start over financially and moved in with my parents. I became depressed and reclusive. I was broken hearted and disinterested in everything life had to offer. I pushed away friends and loved ones because I couldn't bear to be around happy people. 

I was the loser. I was in absolute pain, and agony, and I couldn't move on.