Thesis?

My name is Peyton and I'm the worst. And the best. I'm the meanest person you'll ever meet, but also the nicest. I’m really judgmental, but also really understanding. I don’t deserve anything that has happened to me, but also... I deserve everything that has happened to me. 

I think you can all relate to what I am, and who I am. I bet you have sat in your parked car, staring blankly ahead, thinking about every shitty thing you’ve ever done. Thinking how you were a bitch to that girl in high school, how you used that guy to get an invite that fraternity party, how you half-assed a job, but got a full-ass paycheck.

But...

You wouldn’t have treated that girl that way if she hadn’t made out with your ex boyfriend, that guy was using you, just as much as you were using him, and corporate America makes money off your back no matter what, so who cares what effort you give?

You have an excuse, a reason, and a justification for every single horrible thing you’ve ever done.

And so do I.

Something about turning 30 made me really introspective. I finally evaluated my life and realized- I've been more bad than good. More people have been harmed by my presence, than bettered. Most people who have known me, are worse off for it. 

After 20 years, I finally dropped my handful of reasons, excuses, and justifications for all my terrible behavior and was left with this:

I'm a bad person.

Who has done bad things.

I now clearly see the war path of damaged I have cause, and I owe it to humanity to right as many wrongs as I can.

How can I reframe my next 30 (god willing, 60) years and flip the script?

How do I restart?